Being BBW and trying to lose weight

Monday, September 1st, 2008

Yikes, this is a touchy subject, being a BBW and wanting to lose weight. So many people want to tell you that you are giving into societal pressure blah blah blah. Hmm, I don’t know, how about I would like to experience my life not at 330lbs? It’s always interesting to me when other people tell me what I should do for my own life. If you go against that collective train of thought within a certain community, you are shunned because you don’t agree with the whole. LOL Ok sorry, then I guess I don’t fit in your guys club anymore.

Man I don’t know, I just don’t like the way I physically feel at a particular weight. A few years ago during an occupational mishap lol I somehow slipped a disc out in my back. it never really bothered me much(was more like a tight feeling) until I really beefed up and packed on a bunch of weight that I had lost plus 35 extra pounds. That put me at 335lbs at my top weight. It made it impossible for me to walk more than 100ft without using something to rest on. I started to feel like I was losing a lot of my dignity because every day things were becoming hard. Like breathing, sleeping, getting off of the couch by rolling off being my only option, sex became difficult, swollen ankles and feet every day, sciatica, hygiene and flexibility issues. I don’t know but for me these were deal breakers between me and this extra fat. My quality of life was going downhill and the fatter I got, the quicker it was happening.

I’m 5’2″ and the women in my family are known to have blood clots and hyper tension, this weight puts a strain on this body. I’ve been up and down the scale, my lowest being 190lbs and physical activities were a lot easier. I got fed up with being 330lbs. I’m still fat and am currently at 295lbs and my body is really starting to feel more comfortable. The problems with my swollen ankles and feet have gone away and the exasperated issue with my lower back is practically gone. I can walk again with ease. I’m starting to fit into the clothes that I love once again.

I’ve always been somewhat of a clothes horse and playing with my style. I love clothes and fashion. I decided back in March to go on Alli. It’s really been a good thing for me and I lost 40lbs with relative ease and unless I knowingly eat something that has too much fat I don’t have issues. I have been paying for a gym membership since December and hadn’t been going. Once I got down to 305lbs I started going to the gym three days a week and walking on the treadmill for an hour. On the days that I don’t go to the gym I work out at home for about 45 minutes with a walk at home dvd. I will admit that I have slacked off for about three weeks because of various obligations and other reasons that I shall not go into here but I no longer beat myself up for falling off the wagon. I am still taking my Alli every day and my weight maintains itself. Once I pick up the activity again the weight will start dropping very quickly once again.

I’m not following what society tells me to do. I’m not following what the community tells me to do. Why? Because I feel in all honestly that I don’t agree with either viewpoint. Again… follower or leader? I don’t want to follow anybody else except my inner self and what it tells me to do for my own life and it does not affect anyone else. I say wherever you are at in life be happy. If you are 400, 500, 600lbs and feel good then be happy and stay like that if it makes you happy. If you are 105, 135, 155lbs and you feel good then be happy and stay like that too. If not then do something about it and change it, do NOT let others tell you to stay how you are because ultimately they do not know how you are feeling inside. Only you can know that with 100% positivity. I don’t recommend that anyone who is 105lbs try and get themselves any less than that. I mean more of coming to terms with your body, mentally. I’m 35 and life is not going backwards for anyone that I know of and it’s time to embrace the rest of my life and make it the best that I can and that is why I am doing what I’m doing, it’s only serving me. It’s my life and we only get one of those as well as only one body. Nobody is going to make my life better or worse, I’m the one who is in charge of that ship. I do not want to be a hypocrite just to make money as a BBW and me catering to particular fetishes was hypocritical for me. LOL So there I said it before anyone decides to point the finger at me.

Just remember whichever group does get in your ear, they want their numbers to increase to have more power behind their mission and if you are going to go along with any community make sure it has a mentally healthy mindset about the issues it is backing and promoting.

Things I love right now:

Orange Tictacs

Tootsie Rolls

Grilled chicken Gyros with Tzatziki

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Audio Books

Journaling

Blogging

Web Design

My fluffy kitties

LOLCATZ

Youtube