I’M NOT SELLING THE DOMAIN.
I’ve decided that after giving myself the opportunity to scale back some of my obligations and just kind of dump them or sell them off as much as I could I feel a lot better about my work load. So now I’m going to tackle all of my webmastering from a different perspective and manage my time better. Sometimes all you need is the feeling that you are free from having to do something and it can change any negative feelings you might have been having about something. This blog was always important to me and I like writing in it, I have just been burned out for so long. I’m feeling good again just giving myself the break I needed and I’ll be back in full force very soon.
Today was just supposed to be a laid back day for me. It amazes me that every time I try to relax and just take time out for myself and cocoon myself up in my bedroom that’s when everything and everyone outside of the home starts going haywire lol. I live in a tiny town and you would think that there can’t be that much activity around one single woman’s home, especially considering that I rarely have guests! I like it that way. There is nobody to bring their drama and it’s almost always peaceful. Last week I was trying to sleep and some kid in the neighborhood knocked on my door at like 10:00am and was asking me if I wanted to buy rocks? Are you joking? Yea kid let me buy a bunch of rocks from you so I can chuck them at your ass while your trying to run your ass home for waking me up lol. God damn it lol! Two hours after that another knock on the door from the highway department asking me to move my car because they had to finish paving the street. UGH fine… did that and went back to sleep. That day sucked majorly.
So this morning I went to bed really late like 6:30am or something and I woke up at 1:30pm. I was up talking to Mike for a little bit and then went to just relax in bed and listen to an audio cd that I have been trying to find the time to hear again. It was an up and down kind of day, but around 8:00pm I hear loud banging at my front door. Scared the bejeebies out of me so I’m like ok who is it? It’s the police. I’m like the police for what? They certainly sounded aggressive so there was no way that I was going to be like yea wait a minute officer so I had to open the door in my nightie. Turns out they were looking for some guy who gave MY physical address as his address. Umm ok, I’ve lived here for six years and you all just gave me a heart attack, thanks bye!! So much for my R&R for today, I’m going to have to sage my house and make all the bad juju go away.
I really want to get some good fiction to read. The last book I bought that was just supposed to be a light fluff read for me was this book called “Such a pretty Fat”. I have to say I’m a bit annoyed with it. The inner monologue that the main character has with herself is constantly about food. But not just about food, it’s about oh just the perfect smidge of this and a touch of that… blahhhhh it felt like I was reading a fat version of Ratatouille. I’ve heard the Twilight books are supposed to be good, I might have to check them out. I would love for Anne Rice to create another series. I loved the Mayfair witches and the Vampires, so sexy and decadent. I used to love Clive Barker books so much as well. I just want a book I can fall in love with. The last time a book pulled me in it was The Davinci Code. I dunno, the right one will come at the right time and then I will be happy.
Anyway, it’s about 3:40am and I’m off to the grocery store for some essentials lol. I love shopping in the middle of the night and have the entire store to myself. Ohhh and another thing, Nadia weighs 15lbs she’s a spoiled kitteh. Gotta figure out how I’m going to get her to lose hmm probably about 3lbs if I can. Ok gotta fly.
“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything”
Ok so I thought I would just try to mix it up here with my entries and write a little more personally and not make it all about the clothes. after all this is my plus size life in my plus size world isn’t it? So let me start by saying that it’s not like I’m newly single because I have been single for a very long time, but now that the person I was involved with has decided to pursue other pastures I’m looking for new ways to have meaningful relationships. I think my biggest mistake from when I started socializing up here in New England was relying on BBW Dances to meet men who were looking for something significant. Because the truth is on the whole, they’re not. It’s not to knock the dances because they are good for what they do and that is give a lot of women who don’t feel comfortable a place to have fun and mingle with men who like them. I have made a conscious choice to not attend any more of these singles events. I have to honestly say that I have never felt that BBW dating sites have any better proven track record. So then what is a single BBW to do?
I don’t know, stand her ground I suppose? I can honestly say that there have been times in my life when I have been lonely and wanted someone. But you know what? I don’t want someone there just to fill my void of being alone. I want someone that is going to be just as excited as waking up next to me in the morning as I am for him. I am looking for that person who I can teach my skills to and share my business ideas with and find ways to create income for ourselves and build our own life and future. Someone who can bring their knowledge to the mix as well and we can compliment each other and become a team. My busy little head is constantly brimming with ideas and I want to bring them all to life.
I’m not saying that being single is great, yay woo hooo let’s all be single lol!! I’m saying that being single doesn’t mean it has to be depressing or desperate. I’ve done the whole if you can’t beat em, join em thing. It really didn’t work for me, and that was because the inner me was saying, “hey Nicole, you don’t want this for yourself”. They rejected me and that gave me time to see It really had nothing to do with how I feel about the person. It was that ultimately, their choices for their life did not compliment mine and therefore trying to convince myself that I could accept their choice of lifestyle and willing to join them in their decline, I really was not prepared to do. There is a reason why our parents say to us, “if all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too”. I do my best not to be a Lemming and I have been ridiculed for it and I have been hurt as a result of it as well. But the fact remains that for every time I have stood my ground my life stopped declining. Every time one of those people left my life, my life improved. They will not dictate how my life goes.
So as a single BBW what am I going to do? I’m going to be done with the singles BBW dating scene and just enjoy my life as it is. If something happens that puts me in a place of meeting someone who has character and integrity then maybe I will give them a second look. For now I’m going to forgive and release myself from any unmet expectations by those who lack compassion towards others and only operate from a lack perspective. I know that for me, the world is not lacking at all.
